You are beautiful

Today I watched a short video "You are beautiful" produced by Dove Skin Care.  The took women and had them sit with a forensic sketch artist.  He asked various questions of them asking them to describe various aspects of their features.  They could not see or know what he was doing but it became apparent to them that he was drawing them without having the benefit of seeing them beforehand.

They left and he then brought in other individuals that had been assigned to get to know these lovely people.  He asked them the same questions about the people they had gotten to know.  The results were heartwarming and so encouraging.  He then brought in the original group to a room that had been set up as an art gallery.  He showed them the drawing where they had described themselves to him.  Then he revealed the drawing showing how other people saw them.  It was like looking at the same person yet a different person.

I cried as I watched this video, in my words, I am not pretty, I am overweight, my face is round, my hair does not do what I want it to do, I have an ugly smile, I am not physically fit.  I laugh like a chicken.  I am a nobody.  Yet recently someone told me I was beautiful... really?  You think I am beautiful... wow.. that's nice.  My daughter tells me I am pretty, I love to know that my children think I am beautiful.  For I do not think I am.  Recently my mom told me I was my dad's favorite, that he would do anything for me.... wow!!!  I am someone's favorite.  I was the apple of someone's eye.

I know that I am a beautiful, caring, loving, giving person.  I care deeply for everyone and enjoy laughing, reading and spending time with people I care about.

How I see myself is not how others see me.  They look beyond my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, my insecurities and they see me.

I have attached the video I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  In my eyes you are each beautiful and special and just who you are supposed to be.  I love you!

http://mashable.com/2013/04/15/dove-ad-beauty-sketches/

Me!

My daughter keeps telling me that I have to tell you who I am.  Well my first answer is well... I am me!  But that is not too good.  On first thought I would tell you I am no one.. but that is not true!  I am a full time care giver for my mother who suffers from dementia and a slew of other psychological/behavioral issues.  I am a mom to two wonderful children Erin and Stephen who God entrusted to my care.  I am a person that sometimes feels very beaten down by life but I love life and I marvel at the beauty and detail that God put into my world to make it beautiful.  My motto is that my life is an adventure and I want to enjoy the ride!  My theme words are Courage and Attitude!  My trials leave me trodden down which makes me afraid to try some things....like flying in an airplane!  But God willing I am going to go up in a plane with Erin's sweet husband Josh.. soon!  I am learning from my children to exercise courage to try new things even if I am afraid... just do it!  hmm.. else can I say.. I love video games, reading, travel, new foods, baking, cooking, crafts, organization, order, solitude, coffee with my daughter and daughter in law.  Being outside feeling the breeze on my face.  Yes that is me...

FRUSTRATION!!!

ugh!  I know this is so whiney but I am going to say it anyway!  I hate dementia, I hate alzheimers I hate that it takes people and makes them seem perfectly normal and makes them perfectly abnormal.  I love my mother but her disease makes is to difficult to like her some days.  Severe anxiety disorder, takes enough anti-anxiety medications that I would probably be able to have surgery and I would sleep through it and never know.  Yet three to four hours after she takes them she is going strong, becoming more agitated, digging at her skin and doing whatever she can to escalate my frustration and then becoming mystified when I try and help her.

Have I handled situations perfectly... not in the least, but I realized last night that I can talk very loudly, (which does not phase her) OR like last night talked very softly to her and saw that it made no difference.  As a matter of fact talking softly only allowed her to talk over top of me telling me I should change my tone.  HUH!!  Are you kidding me.  Then trying to calm her down- a third lorazepam  sleepy tea, re-fixing her bed she tries to inform me that she is taking my brother shopping so that he can purchase $100 worth of clothes.  Yea right... just call me stupid.

So my hours of solitude are being stolen from me by a madwoman- there is no time during the day that I can call my own.  I look at my mother and I see a woman that i seriously question if she has ever been happy. I honestly cannot answer that question.