FRUSTRATION!!!
ugh! I know this is so whiney but I am going to say it anyway! I hate dementia, I hate alzheimers I hate that it takes people and makes them seem perfectly normal and makes them perfectly abnormal. I love my mother but her disease makes is to difficult to like her some days. Severe anxiety disorder, takes enough anti-anxiety medications that I would probably be able to have surgery and I would sleep through it and never know. Yet three to four hours after she takes them she is going strong, becoming more agitated, digging at her skin and doing whatever she can to escalate my frustration and then becoming mystified when I try and help her.
Have I handled situations perfectly... not in the least, but I realized last night that I can talk very loudly, (which does not phase her) OR like last night talked very softly to her and saw that it made no difference. As a matter of fact talking softly only allowed her to talk over top of me telling me I should change my tone. HUH!! Are you kidding me. Then trying to calm her down- a third lorazepam sleepy tea, re-fixing her bed she tries to inform me that she is taking my brother shopping so that he can purchase $100 worth of clothes. Yea right... just call me stupid.
So my hours of solitude are being stolen from me by a madwoman- there is no time during the day that I can call my own. I look at my mother and I see a woman that i seriously question if she has ever been happy. I honestly cannot answer that question.
No comments:
Post a Comment